By: Lucas Hazlett
In what will surely be remembered as one of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater's most talked about "Were you there when..." moments in its history, Chris Gethard fulfilled a year-long obsession by finally having Sean "Diddy" Combs take the stage for a night of comedy and touching self-reflection. There's no doubt this was a "must see" show. While a who's who of comedy scenesters and theater regulars angled for seats inside, people stood outside in the theater's notorious stand-by line for hours. For those who couldn't make it to the madness or those who simply want to relive it, The Apiary was on hand for a play-by-play of the festivities.
11:59 - Front row seat. Watching the audience madness unfold. Hannibal Buress in second row. This shit is real.
12:02 - Audience still shuffling in as Kung Fu Monkeys, decked out in Clockwork Orange whites, play selections of their signature catalogue.
12:10 - Show producer Bethany Hall whispers to band, one of them mouths "Keep stalling?"
12:15 - Fan favorite and previous Chris Gethard Show personality Mitchel Fesh takes seat up front. Takes a look around theater and gives nod of approval.
12:19 - Bethany takes a seat on stage as band begins to play "for real". All is well.
12:20 - Lights down. Video montage of Gethard's initial plea to Diddy, followed by a year's worth of vlogs and television appearances.
12:24 - Diddy takes stage. Crowd chants "DiddyGethard!"
12:26 - Diddy thanks Chris Gethard for his persistence and energy. Says he "loves a good time."
12:27 - Gethard cheekily admits rocking Sean John clothing.
12:28 - Diddy talks about his feelings on the #diddygethard movement, says he couldn't tell if it was a sexual thing or not, says "What the fuck are you talking about?"
12:29 - Diddy asks Gethard, "Why did you choose me?" Gethard sheepishly recounts that he "initially went after Al Roker."
12:30 - Gethard introduces cast, each one appears on stage to a cover of a Diddy song.
12:33 - Video of Will Hines walking to Juniors to get Diddy a piece of cheesecake.
12:36 - Don Fanelli taste tests various vodkas to promote Cîroc, offers self to be electrically shocked for every wrong answer.
12:40 - Gethard hands me shot of vodka.
12:41 - Gethard shocks Fanelli repeatedly despite correctly identifying vodka.
12:44 - Will arrives to theater with Juniors cheesecake. Diddy demands Will be shocked after displeasure over errant placement of three strawberries.
12:47 - Shannon O'Neill hosts Sean John fashion show. Gethard says of Will Hines that he's a "bitch-ass in Diddy's clothing."
12:54 - Gethard asks Diddy to give each cast member a nickname.
Don Fanelli ⇒ Luther
Will Hines ⇒ Gregory
Shannon O'Neill ⇒ Mercedes
Bethany Hall ⇒ Nice Tight White Booty
Chris Gethard ⇒ Ray Ray
12:57 - Crowd chants "Ray Ray."
12:58 - Gethard asks Diddy if he ever suffers from anxiety before a show or performance or appearance. Diddy reveals, "Anxiety stays. If you don't feel that anxiety then something's wrong."
12:59 - "Never stop shitting!" - Diddy
1:00 - Diddy advises Gethard on potential move to Los Angeles: "stick your foot up their ass and come back successful."
1:05 - Diddy believes God brought him and Gethard into each other's lives.
1:06 - Gethard talks about how Diddy brings people good luck and asks Diddy, "Are you magical?" Diddy replies, "It's a little bit of magic."
1:09 - Gethard compares all of this to The Muppet Movie.
1:10 - Diddy provides Gethard with care package for cross-country trip, contents include Tic-Tacs, two crisp stacks of money, copies of new CD Last Train To Paris for audience, strippers, a HANDGUN and A PAIR OF SHADES!
1:15 - Cast reads/performs sketch about what will happen immediately after show. Diddy is off-book within seconds, is he an improviser?
1:20 - "This ain't heaven. This is my kitchen." - Diddy
1:22 - Diddy leads chant of "Ray Ray."
1:26 - Show ends, Diddy gets standing ovation.
1:26 - Diddy shakes my hand.
1:27 - Diddy wasn't lying. He's a little bit of magic.
-- Lucas Hazlett is a comedy geek who improvises with anyone he can.