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Lewis Black Drive-by Shooting

Thank you, AM New York--the artlessly compiled wake-up dose of news for the credulous walking the streets at 8AM. It announced that on April 13th, Lewis Black was going to be at Barnes and Noble in Chelsea, reading from and signing his newly published book Nothing's Sacred.

Most people would probably be excited about the autographing part, but not me. I've always thought that autographs just served as a tangible reminder of what kind of desperate star-struck douche-bag you were at one point in time. I also don't particularly orgasm over short, awkwardly forced meetings with celebrities, like some other people do.

I had one sole purpose for showing up at Lewis Black's book signing, and that was to ask Mr. Black if he had ever been in a drive-by in Kansas City. I had to settle once and for all whether or not my friend Kevin was a filthy liar.

This whole thing came about one weekend when I was at a bar in my hometown called Spicy's—a place that is characterized by a karaoke machine and a giant pig statue clad in a checkered apron with chef's hat—and I ran into Kevin. We did the normal catching up, and three vodka tonics later started discussing comedians, but more particularly my favorite comedian, Lewis Black. The following conversation took place:

"I was in a drive-by in Kansas City with him."

"You lie."

"No for real! We all had to hit the floor together. We ended up talking for a long time after that. He's a good guy! You should ask him about it if you ever bump into him."

"Oh yeah right...when I bump into him..."

This entire conversation seemed wrought with lies, but the kid had never tried to deceive me before, so the only way to tell was to bump into the man. I never thought I'd get the chance, but it finally presented itself...

Part 2 Tomorrow!

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