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Friday
Feb052010

THE CURIOUS CASE OF: Tiger Woods' Brain Damage

So I was talking to my dad on the phone the other day and our conversation usually consists of painful, prolonged, drawn out silences, but then I thought, "Oh! He's into golf, he must have an opinion on Tiger Woods' shenanigans." And sure enough, it was the best opinion: "Tiger Woods' brain was damaged when his wife hit him with a golf club and she's covering it up and that's why no one's seen him since November." To back up his outrageous claims, he cited the fact that he knew a guy who knew a guy who got in a fight on a golf course in the 1980s and was beaned in the head with a club and WAS NEVER THE SAME AGAIN. Now it's plausible! According to him, Tiger is addled beyond repair and the sex addiction therapy is actually brain swelling reduction therapy.

This brings up a bunch of questions:

  • Encephalitis is funny, right?
  • How long does it take for a mild case of hemorrhaging to stop?
  • Do people with $$$, have better access to brain transplants?

As the days went by, I stopped thinking about these questions because, seriously, who has the time? But then I received a mysterious email from a friend which enclosed a photo that pretty much proves that a surgical procedure had taken place and CLOSES THE CASE LIKE A CLOSING DOOR. (I'm terrible at similes!)

You be the judge:

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    Response: Nohemi Garner
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