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By: Eliot Glazer | Main | New Video Wednesday! »
March 11, 2008
Say Something Nice To... Eliot Spitzer!
Everyone is saying horrible, awful things about DISGRACED NY GOVERNOR Eliot Spitzer! Like he's a dirty old man and that when he bites his lip, he looks like one of those Sesame Street Muppets that go "yip-yip-yip!" Come on, Internet! Sure he brought this upon himself--no one forced him to devise a suspicious money trail leading to the pockets of expensive prostitutes. But smart people do stupid things sometimes. Must we eviscerate the man until there's nothing left? Though he'll settle for our apathy, what he really needs is our support. Let's see if we can't think of POSITIVE THINGS and ENCOURAGING ADVICE to say to Spitzer to bring his frown upside down.
--Next time remember you can save like 80 dollars on your hooker fee if you make her take the Chinatown bus to DC instead of Amtrak.
--We totally understand why you love the Emperor's Club. Kevin Kline is great in that movie!
--You can get "involved" with sex rings at CVS now. There's probably one just a few blocks away from your office.
--Sometimes when your life gets flipped, turned upside down, you move in with your Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air and everything works out in the end.
--Your wife Silda could never replace you with a dilda.
--Can't we start a war with New Jersey to get everyone off your case? Wag the Dog that shit, bro.
--"Kristen" was probably cheating on you. That whore!
--As a state Attorney General, if anyone can figure out a way to avoid time in prison, it's you.
--We almost formed an opinion on Roger Clemens' steroid scandal and that toppled like a Jenga tower after hearing this news. If we start developing strong feelings one way or another about your plight before some other hysteria grips us, we'll let you know.
--Maury Povich called in with the paternity results... You are NOT the father.
Say something nice!
PREVIOUSLY
Say Something Nice To... Barbaro!
Posted by The Apiary at March 11, 2008 5:31 PM
Comments
At least he didn’t besmirch the integrity of the intern system.
PS: Is he like the first elected official to be with a hooker or what?
PPS: Airplane food! Women and money!
Posted by: Jack at March 11, 2008 9:01 PM
I only chose the name "Kristen" because they told me "Sara" wouldn't be sexy enough to bring in the johns.
AND I'M SORRY, OKAY, NEW YORK?!?! Some of us have student LOANS. JEEZ.
Posted by: Sara Benincasa at March 11, 2008 9:31 PM
At least he looks good with guyliner...?
Posted by: Scott Bateman at March 12, 2008 11:25 AM
your name has at least six cool anagrams
6. Replies to Zit
5. Pile-Size Tort
4. Zestier Pilot
3. Ritziest Pole
2. Toilet Prizes
1. Ole Tits Prize
Posted by: keith h. at March 12, 2008 1:57 PM
I just heard you re-signed as governor--yay!--four more years!
Posted by: Stan at March 13, 2008 12:26 AM
$80,000 for hookers
$4 million for Kobe Bryant-sized diamond ring
Next time...youporn
Posted by: Billy Reno at March 14, 2008 1:12 AM