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December 5, 2006
Una Conversacion Con Baron: with Michelle Collins
By: Baron Vaughn
Recently at The Shark Show at Mo Pitkins, I saw Michelle Collins again and was reminded of how much I love to watch this comedian. She made the audience guffaw with her brand of tangentially revealing humor. Since sometimes she and I spend too much time on the net, we decided to IM each other. This is the fruit of our loins...
BARON: Tell me a little about where you grew up.
MICHELLE: Well... I grew up in Miami Beach and knew from a young age I was meant to be in showbiz. My defining moment came in Kindergarten while at Temple Menorah. I was cast as the middle candle on the menorah because I was a foot taller than the other kids. The way my parents tell the story, all the kids sang with their heads down and hands firmly clasped, and I took a step forward and BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN! My arms spread wide out, singing the Jew classics. Then I curtsied for 4 straight minutes after everyone else had left the stage.
BARON: You craved the spotlight. How did you know it's what you wanted to do?
MICHELLE: My father did stand-up in Miami when I was a kid. Very Eugene Levy in "Waiting for Guffman." He was like a Jewish Weird Al, did parody songs... like instead of "The Wanderer" he sang "The Hondeler." We don't like to talk about it.
BARON: Do you remember any of his jokes?
MICHELLE: Well I do -- (In order to understand it, you should know that I was born with a different last name. Cikk. Which we changed when I was 6 because no one could spell/pronounce it)... So his joke was "People always ask about my last name, Cikk, if we shortened it from something longer. And I say, 'Yes, it used to be C-I-K-K-K-K-K-K...'" He gave it up a couple of months later.
BARON: Are there any early influences that you can remember that made you go "I just GOTTA do that!"
MICHELLE: I used to love Rita Rudner and I Love Lucy as a kid--I know it sounds cheesy, very 80s. And I used to watch Def Comedy Jam with my parents when I was like 11.
BARON: You watched Def Comedy Jam WITH your parents? What was that like?
MICHELLE: Every now and again weird. They had strange rules. We would have company over for dinner, and after dessert my father would tell everyone all these dirty jokes, but I'd have to leave. So I'd hide on the stairs and listen and crack up without them knowing. My mom would then call me down and force me to do an hour of George Carlin for the company, which was then capped off with my playing "The Schindler's List" theme on my violin. This is all true. Carlin's airplane routine was my standard go-to. I think I was 12.
BARON: So when did you first get up on stage and do stand up?
MICHELLE: I did humorous stuff in high school -- was very involved in speech team, or "forensics" to you insiders. The first time I officially did stand-up was in college, at Barnard. They had a thing (Barnard is an all women's school, where every event had something to do with the vagina) called "The Queens of Comedy!" and they asked me to open for them. Three of my friends came and there was an audience of three. I killed.
BARON: How did you prepare for it?
MICHELLE: Who even remembers? I'm sure I sat down that morning and jotted some stuff I thought was funny. The first time I did stand-up in New York, like "the city," was 3 or 4 years ago in a basement in Hell's Kitchen. I think there was like a Vietnam Vet in the audience. That was it. Then I didn't do it for like another 6 months.
BARON: How'd it go? Why months?
MICHELLE: Didn't go baaaadly, it was just kind of depressing. I didn't really know where to start. But a friend of mine from college was on the scene and she helped guide me to some of the open mics.
BARON: How'd you get into the scene you're in now?
MICHELLE: Hmm.... well a lot of the people I know kind of started out at the same time, like through open mics etc
BARON: Last time I came to your show you played the violin and Moby showed up...
MICHELLE: Yes yes.
BARON: Tried to be funny...
MICHELLE: Right right.
BARON: But ended up coming off mean.
MICHELLE: Haha, yeah that's kind of his "angle." He put on a great show.
BARON: You draw on music a lot in your act. First time I saw you, you sang "All Coming Back to Me" but changed the lyrics to be about Hanukkah...
MICHELLE: Hanukkah, Hanukkah is the Best Holiday. We like to get golden bags of chocolatey coins! Then we open lots of presents and we eat chocolate coins!
BARON: And I saw you recently sing "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess. Also, many people have seen your 5-15 minute Les Miz bit...
MICHELLE: That is thankfully out of my repertoire.
BARON: What do you like to invoke and explore on stage?
MICHELLE: It's a gift, Baron, what would you like me to tell you? I just fucking love to sing! Exploring? Ermmmm... I like to torture people with Celine, Barb, musicals. This isn't answering your question I realize. So far I'm not on Broadway, but I'm hoping I'm on the short track to the stage... MARTIN SHORT THAT IS! Zing zang.
BARON: No, no, I'm just asking what is it you like to talk about and do up there?
MICHELLE: Hmm that's a hard one to describe. Definitely a little self-deprecating and out there--lots of word play. I think I'm describing my nightmare--I am my own nightmare! This is horrible..."Lots of singing, lots of wordplay, little o' this, little o' that..." I am my father's daughter.
BARON: And now to seamlessly transition: you have a wonderful blog. When did you start it?
MICHELLE: Started it at my old job as a legal secretary out of college. I worked at a really small law firm on Wall Street chock full of bitter people who, of course, had zero idea about who I was as a person. Like many people I was on the verge of killing myself. Anyway, I started it summer of '04. It kind of found its own voice after a few months. I would go through phases: animals doing things, my life in NY, conversations with my mom, being an extra on a movie set. Randomness. Sketches sometimes.
BARON: How did that nomination for the Bloggies come about?
MICHELLE: Hmm... I think... no, yes... I begged people to nominate me. AND THERE I WAS! A FINALIST! I fucking loooove awards!
BARON: What kinds of feedback have you gotten about your blog?
MICHELLE: I used to get a lot of "fan mail" that would really make my day. But I also have a folder called "Hate Mail." I save all of it. I call them my Aids Wishes. Like when I made a "Harry Potter Legal Age Countdown Clock" counting down til he was 18 and legal to sleep with, like the Olsen Clocks. I got soooo much hate mail calling me a child molestor! And also fan mail from people who thought it was a great idea which was equally creepy. I then made a Maddox Jolie Countdown Clock just to upset people.
BARON: Now for the obligatorily awkward but necessary question: what do you think is your struggle as a female comedian?
MICHELLE: HA! Struggle...
BARON: or plight or mission...
MICHELLE: Well it's the same thing you've heard a million times before, you know, comedy is a boy's club, women aren't funny, blah blah. I don't think my comedy is particularly "female," singing and 99% of my jokes aside. I once wanted to write an entire set of period humor. Just get up for 15 minutes and talk about periods. I think it's harder to earn respect when you're a woman. People automatically think you're gonna suck. Then when you're funny its SO MUCH MORE AWESOME because you're a girl. It's a tough one. Nothing new.
BARON: Do you have any particular memory of a guy getting in your face saying that? "Women aren't funny?"
MICHELLE: Of course, we've all heard that. I had a guy friend SAY THAT to my face, "You're funny, but I don't think the funniest female is as funny as the funniest male." Total Napolean complex, this one, he's like 5'1". It's like--Why is this a competition between men and women? Funny is funny. Being a good performer is a gift, man or woman. I feel soooo gross talking about this. I need to put on a satin robe, stat! Let me reiterate this gem: "Being a good performer is a gift, man or woman." Cafepress that shit, motherfuckas!
BARON: Lastly, you said you love awards, what would you say is your dream award?
MICHELLE: Dream award... hm... I'll make this an easy one--any award where I can wear a $10,000 gown, be shown on television, and give my eff you's to hundreds of people. Not including Jesus, obvs. So definitely a Teen Choice Award.
Michelle Collins is a staff writer for BestWeekEver.tv and she continues write on her gutbustingly funny blog, You Can't Make It Up. See her at The Other Talent Show @ Mo Pitkins, December 11 at 8:30 pm
Posted by The Apiary at December 5, 2006 12:06 PM
Comments
She is so funny! Thanks for interviewing her. She has always been my favorite.
Posted by: Rebecca at December 5, 2006 8:30 PM