I would, but the Apiary has a strict policy of never attending Tell Your Friends! SIDEWAYS FROWNY FACE!

nate, are you lonely?

No! Why does everybody always try to undermine my teambuilding events???

Aw, poor Nate, I'll go out with you. (Finnegan's out of town for college gigs.)

And I still don't believe you exist.

hahaha. aw. this is sort of adorable, actually.

There is nothing adorable about this! If you've commented on this post, I'm accepting it as an implicit admission of your desire to be in The OC.

Congratulations on your new club Nate. Of course I would never join in a million years (you understand) but I do invite you and your new disheveled drifter friends to attend this Wednesday's H2KP.

No discounts. And please don't talk to, or attempt to touch, the real audience members.

Don't trust Nate's idea of teambuilding. The last time we tried to do Trust Falls, he didn't bother to catch me, and instead left me bleeding on the ground as he went to go check in on his Animal Crossing town.

I believe T-shirts are in order...

All you people have are jokes. THis was a serious request and it's just another opportunity for you people to make light. What kind of community is this!

I'm in (I am defiant, unself-conscious, and undermining myself even now with this parenthetical)!

It's cause we're hoping that if we make a funny enough joke, it'll get picked up by the Apiary.

i kid because i love. you know i'm in.

obligatory "the FIRST rule of Apiary Odyssey Club ... "

Instead of actually going anywhere, can we go on an odyssey..of the mind?

I'm all for drinking some underground comedy Kool-Aid with a bunch of people who deep down think they could be the next Eugene Mirman. Sounds like my idea of a hoot.

What about checking out Chicks and Giggles?! We have boobies! The other shows cannot compete!

Nate really likes Sandwich Socials.

Seriously...I'll go out with you.

I'll go on an Odyssey with Nate.

Way to score a date with Finnegan's girlfriend, dude!

By the way, you and your club can go see any show you want, obviously, but I will say that I have a friend and she went to H2KP and Bob and Todd made everyone kiss them on the lips and now she's got herpes.

Then she came to my show and found a five dollar bill. Just sayin'.

I really think this sounds like a singles club. Although Nate assures me it's not.

I'll only join if at some point we rumble with the Red Hat Ladies.

http://www.redhatsociety.com/

Yes, it's true. Someone did get herpes at our show but it was anal herpes, not oral. I don't remember kissing all of our audience members, though I wouldn't be surprised if we did.

Here's what I do remember. It was a sold-out show. I also remember, at one point, Liam being gentleman enough to offer a woman his seat. Whatever happened to her?

At Liam's last show someone was knifed in the bar upstairs. Cops said it was a dispute over possession of a five-dollar bill. That's the third murder at that bar in the last two weeks. Just sayin'...HOW TO KICK PEOPLE, Wednesday, January 25th, 7:30pm - at Mo Pitkin's. (www.howtokickpeople.com)

Followed by CHARACTER at 9 pm in the lounge... with a bunch of funny solo stuff plus a preview of Doody Calls by Wiener Philharmonic. Wieners and Doody - yum!

Wow, I guess the whole "going to Tell Your Friends!" thing is sounding sweeter by the second, huh?

Now, I'm not one to spread rumours about H2KP, but I will say that no one's ever killed a puppy onstage at TYF!

...and that's exactly why you should go to TELL YOUR FRIENDS! tonight. They're premiering a new bit called "PUPPY HAMMER!" If you can't make it tonight to watch the show's headliner kill a puppy with a claw hammer, don't worry: I've been assured it will be a weekly feature at the show. Don't you just love the NYC alternative comedy scene?