Everyone is saying horrible, awful things about DISGRACED NY GOVERNOR Eliot Spitzer ! Like and that when he bites his lip, Come on, Internet! Sure he brought this upon himself--no one forced him to devise a suspicious money trail leading to the pockets of expensive prostitutes. But smart people do stupid things sometimes. Must we eviscerate the man until there's nothing left? Though he'll settle for our apathy, what he really needs is our support. Let's see if we can't think of POSITIVE THINGS and ENCOURAGING ADVICE to say to Spitzer to bring his frown upside down.

--Next time remember you can save like 80 dollars on your hooker fee if you make her take the Chinatown bus to DC instead of Amtrak.
--We totally understand why you love the . Kevin Kline is great in that movie!
--You can get "involved" with sex rings . There's probably one just a few blocks away from your office.
--Sometimes when your life gets flipped, turned upside down, you move in with your Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air and everything works out in the end.
--Your wife Silda could never replace you with a dilda.
--Can't we start a war with New Jersey to get everyone off your case? Wag the Dog that shit, bro.
--"Kristen" was probably cheating on you. That whore!
--As a state Attorney General, if anyone can figure out a way to avoid time in prison, it's you.
--We almost formed an opinion on Roger Clemens' steroid scandal and that toppled like a Jenga tower after hearing this news. If we start developing strong feelings one way or another about your plight before some other hysteria grips us, we'll let you know.
--Maury Povich called in with the paternity results... You are NOT the father.

Say something nice!

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