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Your Night of Heartbreaking Bitter Loneliness, Summarized!

AlfalfaEdit: Oh man. We're going to have to give that Anonymous Asshole a fact-checking job. "He" -- or "she"; we've met plenty of asshole ladies -- has been doing a bang-up job in the corrections department. To summarize, yesterday's Dork Forest did NOT have the folks mentioned below, but instead Paul Jay and Robert Yasumura (available for download here). As usual, we're blaming the interns.

As a service to the folks who will not be spending the night in an awkwardly-forced bout of intercourse, we have the unavoidable gaps in your night of desolation-repairing masturbation covered.

First up, and pretty soon actually, we have the Dork Forestradio program with co-hosts Joe Wilson and Jackie Kashian. The show starts at 4pm (PST) and can be streamed over at their site. They'll be welcoming in some grade-A level talent, with some lady named Jen Kirkman, the almighty leader of everything AST Matt Belknap, and The Bammer(!) stopping by in some form or another. (4pm, Free with computer!)

Later on tonight, when you've composed yourself from the explosive laugh-gasm after listening to the above aural event, head on over to the UCB for The Many Faces of Love. Hosts Eliot Laurence and Amy Rhodes welcome comedically-enhanced love stories from Paul Rust, Casey Wilson, James Adomian, Drew Droege, Lauren Palmigiano, Pete Zias and Ben Dickerson. (8pm, $5)

At the exact same time -- if you have some of those sweet ass consciousness-splitting powers, we recommend using them tonight -- head over to IO West for Singles Bar, a Valentine's-themed improv extravaganza. Performers include Justin Johnson, Paul Natonek, Steve Shane, Dave Stratton, Molly Hawkey, Annie Hoff and Adam Karell, who are so nasty that the show is only for folks 21 and over. Sorry, teenagers. You don't know what heartbreak is anyway. (8pm, $10)

A bit later on, the Meta Theater serves as the backdrop for You're Welcome!, featuring Paul F. Tompkins, Marc Maron, Bill Chott, Michelle Biloon, Machu Picchu, Mookie Blaiklok, Nadia Bacon, host Tom Sharpe, maybe some other special guests and, most importantly, free beer! All this for $5! That's cheaper than a hooker who'll make you momentarily forget your empty chasm of a life this Valentine's Day! (9pm, $5)

If you've sucked it up and spent the 5 bucks on a hooker of the trannie variety, then head on over to Name of Show, which might or might not be free! (We'd click the link, but we're currently frightened of MySpace pages after watching too many episodes of "To Catch A Predator".) Tonight, leave your inhibitions at the door and meet a member of the opposite sex while watching Matt Manser, Paul Malowitz, Chad Fogland, Erik Charles Nielsen, Taylor Williamson, and hosts Paul Jay and Ed Salazar. (10pm, possibly free, possibly not, we can't do everything for you, jerks)

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