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Entries in Justin Bieber (2)

Tuesday
Aug032010

Alternative Titles for the Justin Bieber Biopic

By: Brian Perry

If you follow Justin Bieber on Twitter (and really, who doesn't) you already know that in 2011 he'll star in his own biopic. For the few of you who missed the news, the film will be directed by Davis Guggenheim (Oscar winning director of An Inconvenient Truth), will be in 3D, and may share the title of his upcoming memoir Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story. Really.

With any movie early in production there is always a chance that the working title won’t stick. As a public service, The Apiary would like to provide some alternative titles.

  • Saturday Night Bieber
  • Justin Bieber: 2 Many: Colons
  • I Starred In My Own Biopic At Age 16. Don’t You Feel Like A Dick Now?
  • None of These Things: Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll
  • Selena
  • Wait, Is My Hair In My Eyes?
  • An Inconvenient Bieber
  • Blood on the Long Island Mall Floor
  • My World (Consists of One Puberty Delaying Hormone Injection After Another)
  • This Money Could Have Gone To Charity
  • Bieberpocalypse: Singlehandedly Ending the 3D Fad
  • This Is Your Daughter's Fault
Monday
Apr122010

Boycrazy Bieberserker Bellows, 'Um, Hello! Where Are My FREE SNL Tickets?!'

Justin Bieber and Kenan Thompson backstage at SNL | Pic via @justinbieberIn case you were wondering how Justin Bieber got on SNL, there wasn't a ravenous sharkpool of agents and lawyers and promoters and hairstylists shoving him from one car to the next, it was pretty much single-handedly the incessant twittering of @bieberonSNL that landed him on the show, claims @bieberonSNL, a teenage girl named Alex Buchinski. Once it was announced that her dream of making someone who's famous even more famous had been realized, there was just one little problem: No one invited her to Justin Bieber's SNL tapings! Et tu, Bieber??  Feeling cast aside like a bag of Taco Bell litter along the road to fame, Alex was sad, demoralized, and had nowhere to turn but Twitter.

She moped around all Saturday evening:

"no i'm not going to SNL alot of people are asking me and I'm sick of saying I'm not going becuase it really brings me down."

Then, she was dealt an earth-shattering blow:

"R U SERIOUS BIEBERARMY GOT FREE TIX?! R U KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? NOO LIKE WTF?!"

So she got all up in Bieberarmy's face, in a passive aggressive kind of way:

"RT @TheMrsJBieber: Even though we all know @BieberOnSNL deserves to be at SNL more than BieberArmy, lets make #BieberOnSNL trend"

Turned out to be a rumor so she calmed down. But her fate began to sink in, would she end up watching SNL like a normal person who barely knows what a Justin Bieber is--someone who did nothing to make him a superstar??:

"I honestly think I should be at SNL.. like idk I just think that I did Sooo much"

She watched SNL and enjoyed it, begrudgingly. As bedtime approached, she realized that her precious blessings (bah!) would have to suffice:

"it's ok.. my tome will come and if it doesn't it's ok.. people have it SOOO much more worse.. I'm sorry. good night. I love u guys thanks(:"

Now that her single-purpose Twitter handle has been made irrelevant, could there be any upside to this horribly depressing tragedy of teen fanaticism? There actually was! She was invited to New York City by JB's people on Sunday for a private concert exclusively for Bieberserkers.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

  • Will crying get you everywhere??
  • If so, where are OUR SNL TICKETS??  Waaaaah!!