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Entries in fugitives (1)

Wednesday
Dec012010

Places Where Julian Assange Can Hide

Someone needs to alert the editors of People Magazine that Ryan Reynolds is OUT and noted international spy, Julian Assange is IN--he's the most wanted man in the world!  Everybody is fuming that Julian published their precious documents. Now he's on the run from Johnny Law because everyone wants him in their prison. Is it that hard to find him though? Can't we get John Walsh on this case? Or get Julian's cell phone number from The Colbert Report producers?  I kinda feel bad for the guy. Makes me think deeply about that Bob Dylan lyric: "How does it feel to be without a home??" I'm not trying to aid a global fugitive here but, JULIAN!, here are some places you can hide:

  • In Osama Bin Laden's cave, behind his geo-thermal powered dialysis machine.
  • On an episode of Running Wilde.
  • Under a mattress.  Or if he wants to be extra secure, he could check himself into a safety deposit box at his local Chase.
  • Under Justin Bieber's bangs. (They're still pretty long!)
  • In a Farmville status update.  Or any Facebook status from my friend Denise Patterson.
  • Somewhere along Southeast Asia's Freedom Trail-esque hiking path for sexual predators. (See: Gary Glitter, Lou Pearlman, etc.)
  • In the MTA's second set of accounting books. Am I right?? 
  • Under an oversized sweater, like a pregnant teen's growing womb.
  • Wherever my dad went when he went out for cigarettes and never came back. :(

Where else can Julian hide??