Onion Inflicts World of Hurt Upon Revered Outgoing President

Ever since the election, President Bush has sustained repeated LIFE-ALTERING and now LIFESTYLE ALTERING INJURIES at the hands of The Onion.

FOR EXAMPLE
Bush's Eyelid Accidentally Nailed to Wall
Bush Dragged Behind Presidential Motorcade for 26 Blocks
Bush Passes Three Pound Kidney Stone
Crocodile Bites Off Bush's Arm
Bush Tumbles Wildly Down Monument Staircase
America's First Gay President Concludes Historic Second Term

We don't know much about the dark arts, but it's clear that God/The Secret is responding directly to The Onion's bloodthirsty voodoo fantasies by sending several whimsical Iraqi shoes straight for Mr. Bush's noggin. We dare wonder what irreparable humiliation the President might actually suffer if more stories like these are published.

Comments

[Billy Reno]

Yes, the Bush-Bashing is a refreshing departure from the hilarious "Abducted Child Possibly Raped/Murdered As We Speak" story agenda. But check this shit out:

http://www.sockandawe.com/

You're welcome!