Amy Sedaris, the sister of the man whom Michael is literary feuding with, writes:

"Like all custom vans, Michael Ian black's book is customized to fit all your needs and wants for the journey of your life. It's luxurious, entertaining, spooky, disturbing, and hilarious. Devil's in the details! It's stocked with tacos, vampires, squirrels, a cleaning lady, scented candles, salami, tundra, and a foreword by Abe Lincoln himself--now that's Class with a capital C. Enjoy the ride of your lifetime."

My Custom Van by Michael Ian Black

HOW TO WIN
1) Put "My Custom Van by Michael Ian Black" in the subject line of an email addressed to theapiary@gmail.com
2) Send that email before the end of this weekend, SUNDAY @ MIDNIGHT (7/6)
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Three winners will be selected at random and notified of their winnings shortly after.

THE PLUG
"New Young Comedians is a monthly comedy show at the Karma Lounge, featuring the funniest comedians we can find. We also have cupcakes!"

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NOTES
"Painted a Comedy Central Logo in a studio in Brooklyn. This was a bit of a struggle. We meant to shoot me doing this 3 times in a day. And in the end it took us 16 hours to shoot it just the once. All shot on a high speed stills camera, that was only able to shoot around 30 photos in one go, so it was a lot of paint - freeze - paint - freeze!" (via flickr)

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The Apiary is looking for 2 regular contributors for its Reviews and Appraisals features. It's pretty easy: the write-ups are limited to 1 paragraph and a picture review. If you're already consuming media at an alarming rate and you have a sense of the site's voice and style, this is an ideal position! We'll also set you up with press screenings and advance copies of stuff.

The biggest potential benefit though is EVERLASTING FAME. Think about it. Imagine writing the only positive review for The Love Guru. That could totally be your name below the blaring quote, "What a thrillride!" Every time you pass a large stack of unsold Love Guru Blu-Ray discs at Best Buy, the remainder of your shopping spree will be filled with the kind of pride that goes with achievement. For consideration, please email theapiary@gmail.com with a brief introduction and any links to your online work.

FUN FACTS
• Thorn was "socially promoted" out of middle school.
• During the first ever Sound of Young America, a fellow KZSC programmer named "The Folk Goddess" called to say the show represented everything that was wrong with the station.
• In August, Thorn will marry his high school sweetheart.

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Send us your honey shot(s), flickr tag "theapiary" or join up.

Sara Schaefer premiered her One Sara Show at Ars Nova as part of its Tragedy Tomorrow venture, an ongoing series of new works encouraging creative risk-taking by showcasing a wide-ranging spectrum of emerging comedic talent.

NOTES
--Sara Schaefer delivered the most artistically mature and developed performance we've ever seen of her. It might have had something to do with the production elements or the cool pirate scenery (thanks to the Jollyship The Whiz-Bang residency) or the packed and supportive audience, but there was a confidence and presence in this outing that we haven't seen from Schaefer before. It was as if she transcended herself.
--The gist of the story is A DICKENSIAN REDEMPTION SAGA of self-absorption broken up by humorous home videos and ephemera of Sara in her formative years. One such video cruelly depicts Minnie Mouse on a hug rampage at Disney World, doling out doting embraces to everyone except an awkward, star-struck Schaefer. The video was appropriately freezed at the exact moment that disappointment and angst wash over her face.
--Though it's billed as a one-Sara show, it is not a one-person show. She's backed by the genteel and chatty back-up band, Meowskers, who serve as both supporting actors and a bounce wall to Schaefer's compulsive navel gazing. We like seeing performances that show off the time spent getting it to its current incarnation and Meowskers did that. Dan McCoy let us know, "She was also backed by a couple of actors. My own contribution was a glorified cameo, but you should take a moment to mention the awesome Tamara Malaga who played Sara's Honduran orphan pen-pal Dinora, who contributed one of the major through-lines of the show."
--When asked about the show's progression and the band, Sara tells The Apiary, "I've been developing the show for a year, I started writing it last August. Meowskers and I have been 2 ships passing in the night for a while. Jeff, the drummer, was also by chance my tech guy at Union Hall for the workshop of the show. When The Lisps (the original band that performed w/me in it) couldn't do the show at Ars Nova, Meowskers came up. No offense to The Lisps at all--but Meowskers, it turns out, are totally and completely on my wave length, and brought the show to a whole new level."

FUN FACTS
Birthday gal Fink tells us she's fancied up in Brooklyn fashion designer Mandate of Heaven. And Jake and Amir make their debut.

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I expressed that I am mostly interested in working at an agency that deals with comedy because that is where my interests and abilities collide. Would her non-disclosed agency be a good fit? This fantasy was met with a verbal pee stream, her telling me the opportunity is a $13 an hour, 2 month temp assignment to start (one that might not extend beyond) and that it could take as much as 2 years on mail room duty before advancing to the role of agent's assistant. I don't think I'm above any of that, it just wasn't what I was expecting to hear. Despite my deflated responses to her increasingly bullying jabs, by the end our conversation, she does a 180 and says I have a great energy, but that I need to revise and forward to her a new resume without all the creative stuff, but with broader descriptions of the clerical. "You have worked in an office before, right?"

She continues talking down to me and says they're looking to fill the position ASAP and she wants to meet immediately for an interview at an Au Bon Pain in Midtown (an unlikely place for anyone to go to). I told her, "Uh, I can't meet tonight, I have a class later today." This response set off another round of me having to assure this ninny that I'm up for any challenges ahead. She then rattled off all sorts of weird meet-up instructions and follow-up tasks. Before hanging up, I asked her to email a confirmation so I know who she is and where I'm supposed to be going. It still wasn't clear who this lady was.

This was her email:

Nate,

Attached is info for our meeting at 11:15am tomorrow

Thanks

Robin

The attached Word document titled "Au Bon Pain.doc" said:

Au Bon Pain Cafe

Southwest corner of 40th Street and Third Ave

Please enter through Third Ave entrance, make a left through both doors and wait for me by the set of chairs and counter facing Third Ave.

Please call my cell phone when you're within 5-10 minutes of location.

A Google search revealed this person doesn't even work for an agency. She's just some batty, and possibly violent, independent headhunter with a God complex and no office. I could not picture this maniac cobbling together the necessary paperwork--I9s and temp contracts--and me filling them out at a horrid airport bakery chain.

I entertained the idea that it's possible that she might be totally legit and that she is just a nasty hurdle to something that could actually be really great. After weighing the probabilities, I concluded that meeting with her would likely be an exercise in further humiliation. I assume she was also planning on stealing my identity or robbing me at Au Bon Pain.

Anyways, I sent her an email about an hour before we were supposed to meet regretting my ability to see her.

--Nate

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