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January 29, 2007
Say Something Nice to... Barbaro!
This site has never stood for tearing people down. We happen to think that horses are people too, and CHAMPION RACEHORSE Barbaro deserves a little lift to his self esteem today. Uh, because he's dead. It's not often that we travel outside our comfort zone of comedy happenings, but there's so much vitriol out there--it's just not right to stay respectfully quiet while Deadspin readers are out having a field day with Barbaro's passing. It's okay to SAY SOMETHING NICE every once in a while ya'll. We're going to start right here on this blog.
--Barbaro, we were praying you would pull through but our prayers clearly went unanswered.
--God, why do bad things happen to good horses?
--Terri Schiavo is waiting for you in Heaven, Barbaro.
--Oh wait, animals go to Heaven, right?
--OMG, what if Terri Schiavo is waiting for you in Hell?? Barbaro, nooooooo!
--It's safe to speak for all of America when we say, "Rest knowing you've captured our hearts."
--Your flowing mane reminded us of a young Steven Seagal.
--When people start sprinkling Barbaro jokes into their acts, we vow to defend your honor by yelling out, "TOO SOON!"
--Even if it's 10 years from now.
--You no longer have to put up with having those creepy little dudes resting their ball sacks on you.
--Perhaps one of your children will be used by Barack Hussein Obama when he rides through the sky with the horsemen of the apocalypse.
--And speaking of politics, if Rudolph Giuliani even tries to exploit your death to give a wicked boner to the Republican base, we're just not gonna vote for him.
--It's sometimes hard to explain how awesome you were Barbaro, but to put this in automotive terms, 1 of you equals like, 2 horsepower.
Say something nice!
PREVIOUSLY
Say Something Nice To... Star Jones
Posted by The Apiary at January 29, 2007 3:31 PM
Comments
Although we will miss you, Barbaro, take comfort in knowing that you will probably be delicious.
Posted by: James Kass at January 29, 2007 6:20 PM
I'm sorry.
Posted by: Billy Nord at January 29, 2007 6:55 PM
You were hotter than Star Jones.
Posted by: Mo Sigga at January 29, 2007 8:27 PM
I'm sorry to see you Fi-GO-ro, Barbaro of Seville. La la!
Posted by: Carolyn at January 29, 2007 8:56 PM
Barbaro was a racehorse, all he ever meant to his owners was the almighty buck. I never believed for a minute that they would not kill him, because he was highly insured. He was worth so much more dead than alive. Well, you bastards, you racehorse owners, you got what you wanted. You killed him and now you can collect the money. Sure his leg hurt, there were ways of dealing with that. He was otherwise healthy. They just got tired of waiting for the money. Would you shoot your dog if it's leg hurt or your cat, of course not, that is, unless it was highly insured. Horse and dog racing should be banned for the cruely involved. Did you know that when a racedog is "retired" from racing it is murdered. Not given a well deserved home, no it's murdered. Put to death for nothing more than not making enough money for its bastard owners. Stop the racing , ban murdering racehorses and racedogs.
Posted by: Hunniebunnie at January 29, 2007 9:38 PM
Barbaro, you were certainly a horse that existed.
Posted by: AWOK Mike at January 30, 2007 2:16 AM
Barbaro, you were so brave while climbing Heaven's stairway. All the while, you knew in your heart that horses lack the balance and joint functionality to walk down stairs.
Posted by: matt sears at January 30, 2007 11:13 AM
I lost a bundle because of that nag! See ya in my Whopper, Barbie and my kids will be eating your paste within a year. Wait, that didn't come out right.
Posted by: Billy Reno at January 30, 2007 11:14 AM
I hope they jacked you off one last time.
Posted by: VoteJoe at January 30, 2007 3:04 PM
I'm just glad you got through that list without a "beating a dead horse" joke.
Posted by: marcel parcells at January 31, 2007 1:19 AM