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February 1, 2006
Life Stories: I Play Street Hockey with a Bunch of Comedians
Rob Gorden of The Rob & Mark Show has something to say. Over the summer, Rob joined NYC's Black Top Street Hockey League and he suddenly found himself immersed in a world filled with sweaty comics and blazing pucks...
You think all comedians developed a sense of humor because they have no athletic ability and need to compensate somehow to keep from getting beat up? Well, you would be wrong my friend! I had the privilege of playing goalie for a street hockey team chock full of comics! Yeah, I let in more goals than Greg Giraldo has jokes, but in the end, I learned I still don't have athletic ability and I'm kind of out of shape. But, my team mates were lean mean hockey machines and some of the funniest people in the alternative comedy scene and I got to sweat with them.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Oh yeah, Rob from The Rob and Mark Show and cast member of Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There is a Game? Prove it. Who are these hockey thugs you speak of? Can they hit the top shelf as well as point out the absurdities of life?"
Oh yes they can, reader of The Apiary.
I got the chance to play with one of my favorite comedians. Jon Glaser. I was actually star struck when I first started playing with him. I have a lot of respect for this guy and I think I annoyed him with the constant reminders that he was in Pootie Tang. I'm an idiot. But, besides being a staple of the writing staff for Conan O’Brien for many years and co-creator of Midnight Pajama Jam with Jon Benjamin, he is the king of the blacktop. Jon Glaser loves hockey and is awesome at it. You would never think Jon Glaser would be a physical presence in an athletic event, but be warned, Mr. Glaser is the Gordie Howe of street hockey. Yeah, I'm kissing his butt, but so what? I love the guy! It was great playing hockey with him! Get off my ass.
You would never expect Gideon Lamb of God's Pottery to be the guy who gets kicked out of a game for enforcing. You think Krister Johnson has hard love for Jesus as one half of God's Pottery... you know what Krister also has? A hard love for the wrist shot! He is like Claude Lemieux if Claude played street hockey with a bunch of hipsters and was part of a comedic Christian musical duo. He waged a Holy War on the blacktop that only ended by his many goals, or when it was time to stop the game. The best part about playing with Krister is he is an animal. This guy is so quiet off the court but get a hockey stick in his hand and the dude loses his mind! It's great! Glad he was on my team.
You can't stop Patrick Borrelli. If you have never seen him perform you are doing yourself a disservice. Second, if you haven't seen his juking and jiving on the black top, then he's too fast! He's just too fast! He moves and grooves with the best of them and he has a mascot! That’s right, Patrick's girlfriend regularly brought his dog to root him on and show his support. The only thing is the dog would critique my play and it was never constructive criticism. The dog's harsh, that's all I'm saying. It's a great summer when you get to play hockey with Patrick. I know this seems like I'm writing a lovefest, but Mr. Borelli is a fantastic knowledgable guy who not only made me a better goalie but talked me down after the Flight of the Concords incident.
I also got to play with Becky Donohue and Anne Harris. I like to call Becky "Moma." I really enjoyed playing with her, but unfortunately for me, Becky was on the road for most of the season, so, that's what you get when you play with comics. They get successful, you lose a forward. Se la vie. Anne Harris is one half of the third part of the trifecta of comedy duos on our team. What more could you wish for? A dude from The Rob and Mark Show, a dude from God's Pottery and Anne from The Hazzards. Who wins? Me. I was within an inch of getting my first shutout thanks to Anne's killer defense. Get to know Anne. Next time you are at a show with The Hazzards, say hello. Plus, she's a Red Sox fan, so she automatically gets an A+ in my book. I can't tell you how many times she played entire games on defense without any breaks. She's a trooper and she plays with a lot of heart. If she didn't already have a boyfriend, everyone should ask her out. Girls too.
Finally, I got to play with Matt Hall. Matt Hall is hysterical and our All Star, seriously. Look, he was our center and he used to do this pose before we started that was just really really funny. I guess you had to be there, but man that guy is funny. Go see Matt Hall at a show and imagine him with a hockey stick. Then imagine him being really good with the hockey and funny at the same time. Look, he's really funny ok? Get off my ass.
Myself? I had an interesting year. It was a very long season and it got incredibly hot with all that goalie stuff on. Yes, we play in July and August, so there were a few days where I thought I was going to die. In fact, one time we were playing this team that actually had a semi professional player on it and we were getting creamed and I was jumping and diving all over the place and it was like 100 out and I do believe I said out loud "Don't you cry you friggin' pansy." I was talking to myself. Anyway, I did cry like a friggin' pansy, it was 100 degrees out and I was playing hockey. I'm an idiot.
So, I got to play hockey with comics and let me tell you, hockey plus comics plus heat equals a lot of beer.
Photos by Chris Beauvois
Posted by The Apiary at February 1, 2006 1:04 PM
Comments
check out glaser on the hardwood.
the boy kicks major ass.
Posted by: the glaz sr. at June 6, 2006 10:44 PM